I don't think it is any little girl's dream to grow up, get married and get divorced. We all fantasize from a very young age that we will find our prince charming and live happily ever after. And some do just that. However, for some of us, the story does not exactly end with the "happily ever after" part. Some of us face the reality that prince charming is still charming, but just not around us and that he decides, sooner or later, to mount his horse and take off to never return.
Fairy tales are great, but in real life we are faced with a world that is very much focused on the "self" and people oftentimes forget the Golden Rule, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets" Matthew 7:12 (NIV), thus, promises get forgotten and unfulfilled, and dreams get shattered in the process.
So, the judge says you are divorced. What's next?
That day for me happened (irony of ironies) on "D-Day," June 6, 2014. That day sealed on official paper what my spouse of 31 years had already decided years prior, when he packed up his things and moved out. In a sense, our marriage had already been over because he had checked out, but I kept on insisting we should not divorce.
Divorce is not easy. Heck, it isn't even a pretty word, if you ask me. But in some cases, divorce can bring closure and can help you heal from feelings like abandonment and inferiority. Plus, it can help you see that even though you may have been in a loveless relationship before, you are not unlovable, especially if you know that God loves you.
So many questions will surface out of divorce. In my case, my mind would go so fast and I would ask all these questions one after another, and I would cry over nothing at all. I would ask why my spouse left me and I would believe I didn't measure up, that I wasn't smart enough, capable enough, pretty enough, confident enough.... in a nut shell, I had started to think I was a big, fat nothing, because if I amounted to anything, he would still be by my side.
In these times of extreme anxiety, which included panic attacks and physical illness, I cried out to God with all my strength. I would stay up at night crying and reading my Bible. I learned to go to God's Word to search for comfort, and I found comfort in that very place. One day, while walking the neighborhood where I lived in Mt. Vernon, GA, I thought I had no strength to keep on going, and the Lord spoke to me by leading me to read Isaiah 54:5-8. That Bible passage became something I would cling to at all times, because I knew God cared enough to let me know in one of my worst moments, that He was right there with me, and He knew exactly what my heart was going through. There have been other Bible passages that I took as "my own" during my times of distress, but this one was always on my mind. I needed that reminder. If you seek God and ask Him for comfort, He will give it to you, and you will have your "very own" Bible passage as well.
I am thankful for good, caring friends, and God did place wonderful people around me for support, to pray with and for me, to talk to me, and to just be there when I needed them. And I soon realized that I could not overcome my grief on my own and sought help through my church, which has wonderful ministries catering to an array of needs. I discovered through church the Divorce Care program, and I went through the program twice. If you are curious to learn about this program, check it out by clicking on this link: www.divorcecare.org.
I also sought professional counseling and that helped me quite a bit. Talking to someone who is impartial and can help you refocus is very important, and I did three years of counseling for the purpose of overcoming my grief. I still remember the first few visits to my counselor, where I would sit there and sob, hardly able to say a word, as my pain was so deep; but with time, I started to regain confidence and was able to talk about my problem without breaking down like before.
As unfortunate as it is, divorce affects a large percentage of marriages today and there are many people hurting from the effects of it. I have met many people in my community who are experiencing separation and divorce and some are walking the shoes I have walked in already, so I decided to share my story, because I believe that we can all help one another by showing not only that we care, but that what they are experiencing is normal and that the pain will eventually go away and that they will, in due time, experience joy again.
In my personal experience, faith has played a major role in my healing, but I also sought strong Christian friends (support community) who could pray with me and encourage me when I needed, and I tried not to withdraw from people (though in the first months that followed our separation, I felt so ashamed that I avoided any contact with others). Secluding yourself from others can make matters worse, as you will really succumb to depressive thoughts and sadness. Instead, reach out to friends that you know will be there for you and who really care about your well-being and ask them to pray with you. Refuse to be down and choose to be joyful!
If you are reading this and some of what I shared is familiar to you, know that you will come out stronger on the other side. The Bible says that "weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5. Yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel and joy will come back if you let it!
I pray this post serves as encouragement to you today.
Blessings,
Luska
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