This topic has been on my mind for some time, because some of my friends have small children and found themselves in custody and visitation battles during their divorces. I thank God for not having had to go through that, as my children are all grown.
But reality is that when two people divorce, no matter how much you try to enjoy time with your family, there will always be an invisible line that divides your territory/rights from the person to whom you were married. It's a "this is my time," or "this is my day," type of predicament that will happen more often than you desire, especially if your spouse no longer speaks with you.
I don't get to see my sons and their families but once, maybe twice a year. I am about 11 hours' drive from the two places where my three sons live (Indiana and WNY). One would think that when you drive that far to see your children, you will be able to spend every waking moment of the few days you have together with them, especially if the time when you do get to see them is a special holiday, like Christmas or Easter.
I have had so many uncomfortable and unpleasant encounters with my "ex" during holiday times, that I had almost wished I had not made those trips, which, if you ask me, is an unfair situation to be in, especially since it was not I who decided to split the family. Nevertheless, as the years pass and I learn how things work, I have decided that I will make the most with "my half of things."
Take Christmas, 2015, for instance. I drove to WNY to see my family for Christmas, and while there, on Christmas day, I would have had to spend most of the day by myself while my children had brunch with and spent the afternoon with their father. I could have stayed home sad and blue, or I could do what I did: I called up some friends I only get to see in WNY when I visit my children and asked if they were up to have the visit of their old friend in the afternoon, which they immediately agreed with. Needless to say, my Christmas day was wonderfully blessed and I got to spend time with my friends, their children and grandchildren. I never once felt sorry for myself for not being able to be with my own children because they had to split time between their father and me.
Sometimes things get played out in a way that we can feel hurt and unjustly done. My advice in this case is to remember that your "ex" has the same right to your children and grandchildren as you do, therefore, splitting time during the holidays, even if you are the one driving half a day to see them, is not uncommon and you should have a Plan B to put into action if you find yourself alone.
As I have stated on a previous post, "divorce is not nice, it is not pretty and it is not fair." If you find yourself in a situation like I just mentioned, remember that your family is not gone because your spouse chose to be. You can still have wonderful memories made with your children and their children. I was with my children for a very brief time, but I soaked in each moment with them and returned home thankful that I was able to go and be with them.
With the grace of God, you can learn to be content and make the most out of uncomfortable situations with your "ex." And... eventually, the "half of things" will no longer feel like half, because you'll have made the most out of them.
And remember: your children will always be your children, whether or not you and your "ex" are together. Nothing will ever change that!
Blessings,
Luska
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