Happy Monday!
I have shared what I think about divorce.
I have shared how divorce impacted my life physically, emotionally, and financially.
I have shared about the importance of a good support system, aka "friends!"
I have shared how faith has been the cornerstone of my ability to heal.
I have shared how I had to find help to get back up and restart.
Well, today I wish to share the euphoria I felt on some of my "firsts." And you will, too!
During my 31-year marriage, very little was put in my name, though I pulled my financial weight along those years, especially while my "ex" attended school. Nevertheless, after all was said and done, I needed to start putting things in my name, and that took a little adjusting on my part, which brought about a mixture of fear and anxiety, as it made the reality that I was now "on my own" very alive.
One of the big "firsts" for me was to get my apartment rental under my name. When you rent your own place, you must make sure you sign a contract and that what is agreed verbally is also on paper, in the written form. I remember asking my landlord to allow me to take my contract home, so I could read it and then sign it and return it to her. It is okay for you to feel this way, and it is okay that you take time to read it carefully before you sign it, especially under these circumstances. I was fortunate that I had understanding landlords, and also thankful that my "ex" did not ask for the deposit back, which helped me a bit. The major transition in this case was putting the place in my name, as I was already the one paying the rent since moving in.
Another "first" for me was to have my vehicle transferred to my name. As in the case of the apartment, I was the one making the payments, but the car was not in my name. With the emotional whirlwind that takes place during separation and divorce, we oftentimes do not think about these things, but, unfortunately, you must think about them, because during divorce people are not who you always thought they were. I will leave this comment at that, but recommend that you do look at the things that you need to live and make sure that you are not in the short end of the stick, because some divorce lawyers do not care if you are a law-abiding citizen or a Christian, and they will fight for their clients by making you look like the bad person, thus, making sure you do not get what you deserve, no matter how many years you sacrifice for your marriage/family. I sobbed in court several times when falsely accused by his divorce lawyer, and was so dumbfounded that I could not even defend myself.
But, back to my car: on the day my title arrived in the mail, I did a happy dance in my kitchen. My car is 16 years old, but who cares? It is mine, and it is paid off. Praise God!
What about bills, such as electricity, internet, phone, insurance, etc.? They all need to be in YOUR name. If you have not done so, make sure you do. If you are not quick, you will find yourself like me, at one point without health insurance and at another, without car insurance.
I know it is hard to have clear thoughts when you are emotionally distraught, but you must make sure you keep moving along and that you do what you need to do to survive. As you get used to doing your things on your own, you will start enjoying taking ownership of your life. :)
And another piece of advice: if the judge orders your "ex" to pay you anything to help with your survival, DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS. Trust me. It will not be appreciated. Take what was ordered by the court and let your "ex" find a way to pay you. You've earned it. I just wish I had someone to tell me this before I agreed to take less.
Remember: You can do this. You will survive it. You will overcome the sorrow.
Blessings,
Luska
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